There was a brochure listing every offering. Ariel and Shya Kane were pictured in it, along with a blurb about their free lecture and three hour workshop entitled Instantaneous Transformation. In the picture they looked normal. In fact, they looked beautiful in a very natural and down-to-earth way. I don't remember what the blurb said, but I was hooked by the word Instantaneous. I wanted something instant. I wanted a quick cure for my problem.

I had a successful career, plenty of friends and what looked like a full and busy life. In fact, I told myself that anyone who knew me would think I was doing just great. I'd rarely admit to anything less. My problem was that I was miserable about being fat and boyfriend-less. And I was basically upset about this all of the time. I was convinced that the way I looked was the reason that I couldn't attract men to be in a relationship with me. I didn't just suspect this, I knew it. I could prove it. My last relationship was with a man who'd told me so...honestly, painfully and repeatedly, on and off for over 15 years. I thought that maybe these Instantaneous people could quickly uncover why I continued to stay fat even though I hated my fat so much. I figured that once I found out why, I would be able to lose the weight and get what I wanted.

When I got to the workshop I didn't feel like saying that I was fat and miserable. It was too embarrassing and too revealing. I was worried that people would look at me and agree that yes, I was fat and unappealing. Worst of all, they'd probably feel sorry for me. So I decided I would be clever instead, and ask questions and gather information without really revealing myself. Then, I would apply the information later in the privacy of my own life. What happened at that three hour workshop changed my life.

I asked a question about something another participant had said and in doing so, turned the attention to me. Shya or Ariel observed that my question was confusing because it wasn't about myself. They suggested that I use an example from my own life, so that they could better answer my question. Deflector shields up, I babbled something to keep my facade intact. But then, out of the blue, Ariel said to me, "You are the only one in this room who doesn't realize how beautiful you are." And something in me melted. Then Shya said something else about how attractive I was and how I don't see it because I think I'm overweight. Then other people in the room started telling me what they saw. Some people said they found me very attractive. In fact, several people did. Some people started saying things specifically about my body...its shape and size. I was stunned and amazed. They actually talked about my body! And they weren't gagging and they weren't mincing words and they weren't lying. I checked. No one was lying.

My mind wanted me to be horrified and resist it all. But what I felt was that I had been walked over to a mirror and for the very first time ever, was not expected to reject what I saw. And I felt happy. I felt instantaneously that there was nothing wrong with me.

The feeling lasted for days, maybe even a week. But I remembered the experience. That stayed with me. Months later I phoned Ariel and Shya and left a message on their machine asking them to add me to their mailing list. I had hoped they would send me a flyer, but that night they called me from Hawaii. They were there conducting a workshop. They called because they were concerned that since they were away for several weeks, I might think my message had been lost or ignored. That kind of thoughtfulness really struck me as something special. Even over the phone, just hearing their voices, I felt instantly connected. There was something about the way these people communicated. They were so genuine and nice and direct in their conversation. They wanted to be reminded of who I was, when and where we'd met. They wanted to picture me, to place my voice. They were actually interested in this phone call. They cared about whom they were talking to.

Now it is several years since that Expo where I Met Ariel and Shya. Since then I have attended many of their workshops. I haven't lost a pound...but I've lost a lot of weight. I don't drag around the tonnage of self-hate and shame that I did back then. I'm lighter and more fun. I'm nicer to people and I connect more easily. I'm so much clearer about what is true for me that I can hardly fool myself anymore. When I do, there's usually someone around to point out that I am doing just that. Often it's someone who I met through Ariel and Shya. I've met incredible friends through attending their workshops, here in LA and also in New York. People who I fell in love with - instantaneously. Really.

I even gave myself the gift of attending one of Ariel and Shya's Winter Retreats which seems to quickly bring to the surface everything you need to see about yourself. Before I went, I was nervous that some of the things I had long considered horrible about myself (and didn't want others to see) would surface. I was afraid people would find out that I was competitive, nasty, manipulative jealous and worst of all, whiny. Boy was I in for the shock of my life.

Early in the two-week workshop, a very handsome fellow (who I had been attracted to for sometime) singled me out as the most desirable of all the women there. Now I must say that felt really good, especially since there were many beautiful, thin, available women there. The hardest part of being there was to keep surrendering to how wonderful my life had become.

I have discovered that I like me. I am funny, sweet, sensuous and yes, even beautiful. (Although I still find it hard to admit.) Not only that, I feel centered in myself. I have the confidence to communicate what I see. Everything I have ever wanted has started to manifest without my working at it. My wildest dreams have become fulfilled. What will happen between John and me in the future, we don't know yet. But in this moment, I am having a great time.